From Fear to Belief

I believe fear to be one of the key blocks to being a better me. I struggle with fear on so many levels that it is nearly crippling. I am grateful for awareness,that I see how fear hinders my forward progression. The anxiety (which is a form of fear, along with dread and procrastination) produced when I succumb to my fear amplifies it's affects and produces physical results that further hinder my growth, thus becoming a toxic cycle of fear, anxiety and guilt. It is a cycle however that I am so aware of, I am following the cues of the spirit of God inside of me to bring this cycle to an end. Fear, I believe is my thorn. It keeps me in check, it is only by God's grace that I am able to see beyond my fear and embark on those assignments that are mine to tackle and that will bring glory to God and expose others to the righteousness, peace and joy that is the kingdom of God.

As a part of the thematic movement at The Awakenings Movement where I attend worship services and participate with a community of believers and workers for God's kingdom on earth, we are currently in a thematic movement called The Ripple Effect. The first part of The Ripple Effect was called Love Out Loud. We we learned to Love God, Family, Friends, Coworkers, Strangers and Ourselves out loud. Intentionally being the start of a ripple of Love throughout the community. We have continued to a second part of The Ripple Effect called, Conversations. We are learning to have hard conversations with God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit. Lastly we will learn to have hard conversations with other people. Today we talked about the Holy Spirit, which really illuminated the role that the Holy Spirit plays in my life when it comes to getting past fear. I think a lot of times when we need deliverance and desire a change in our lives and pray to God for an answer, we expect it to supernaturally disappear. When Paul prayed for God to remove the thorn from his flesh, he said he received an answer from God that many of us aren't ready to hear. God wasn't going to remove the thorn, but told Paul that the Grace given to him from God was sufficient to get him past any thorn in his flesh. It's a tough pill to swallow that the problem won't magically go away. The upside is, that God is offering Himself through relationship to be your companion as you walk through this life and that His Grace, the power of His Holy Spirit is available to take us through the things that plague us.

I had a revelation today regarding my thorn. I keep wanting God to just take it away. I don't want to even experience the fear. I hate feeling like an idiot each time I allow fear to hinder what I know God is directing me to do. But what I learned today is that the through my continual engagement with God, through our relationship, I can overcome and walk forward with him into every situation that he allows me to face. So the fear may not go away, but I know without a doubt, he walks with me.

One of the challenges I've been given is to not procrastinate. I know that I procrastinate out of fear. Through this challenge I am invited to engage in a new level of dependence on God's spirit to lead me, and to support me in the area of my weakness. It scares me, because I do not want to fail. I will not allow that fear to stand in the way of a new belief that I had always said, but I had not really believed... I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.