Don't Throw Away Your Cross

I had a dream.. early Tuesday morning... in the dream there were crosses everywhere.. some were wooden and plain and laid against the wall.. some were glass, some porcelain, some were ornate and some were actually hanging on the wall... one of them I went to, and read it, and it said that you couldn't throw your cross away... and I looked at my shoulder, and I could see the grooves in my skin from where I had been carrying my cross... and I remember thinking, it is so heavy.. and I really wanted to be rid of that cross.. then I woke up...

I've been meditating on this dream since I had it, but I immediately knew what it meant... Mark 8:34 states "Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

In this passage, Jesus had just predicted his death. Peter pulled him aside and was basically telling Jesus to stop saying that, Jesus said to Peter, get behind me Satan, you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men. (Mark 8:33) It is difficult as we sojourn in this earthly place with spirit goals to remember the cost of the cross. The things we have to give up, the seemingly fun things we forgo in the name of kingdom living.. in the name of taking up our cross. In Mark 8:36, Jesus asks, what good is it for us if we gain the whole world, and forfeit our soul in the name of possessions, in the name of having our "own" life.

I know I have been weary lately, I believe it is evident in my dream in the grooves in my shoulder from carrying the cross.. my cross, that I must bear daily, not for myself, but because I truly believe in a Most High God, that asks this of me, not to torture me, but for the good of all he has created.

I sometimes look at my situation, and wonder what does it profit me. I think of this, especially when frustration sets in and I feel like my work is in vain. Sometimes I just want to be free.. but what really would I gain? There is an inner yearning in me to accomplish these crazy wild visions... something I cannot let go of.. so I bear the grooves in my shoulders, carry my cross and walk on... I truly believe that I am loosing my life for the gospel... I'm watching all the I wannas go down the drain. This is not some kind of happy happy joy joy experience on a Sunday morning to get you to pay your tithes like a good little christian... this is, relationship.. ups and downs, heartaches and physical pain... This is Jesus, knowing he was about to die in a very painful manner, shouldering his cross for the burden of the world. This is me finally understanding what it means to be committed to a life that honors God. Not that it makes me super holy, but it is sobering. And you know something else it is... o.k.

A lot of times I get bored with some christian writers cause I feel like they sugar coat what it means to be a follower so it doesn't scare people off... but you know, this road gets a little dirty, you break some nails and you get sweaty.. but I TRULY believe it is worth it. So no matter how fragile, or how rough yours is... Don't throw away your cross.

Who's the Master?

On Saturday afternoon, I went to a financial seminar hosted by a few friends of mine. As part of my better me campaign I knew I needed to get my finances in order and start putting my money in some sort of investment/savings strategy to provide for my future, including children I don't have yet and a retirement that is at least 35 years away. There was a lot of information presented, nothing too detailed just enough information for me to know that there was a lot to be done. I didn't feel worried when I left, but the wheels in my head were definitely turning. On Monday morning, I woke up with a scripture in my head. Matthew 6:24 states "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." I cannot explain to you the dismay I felt when I looked this scripture up and found out exactly what it said. I was mortified. Was God telling me that I was worshiping money. This went against every idea I've had of myself. In my way of thinking, I don't cheat people to get money, I am not willing to debase myself in order for earthly gain, nor, by my calculation or remembrance am I always chasing money. For about 24 hours, I was in a state of wretchedness about the implications of that scripture. Subsequently, since the drama in my head has died down, the spirit of God has been able to illuminate exactly what that scripture means for me and where I am in my spiritual and financial development.

The scripture says, no one can serve two masters. In the word master is the beginning of my problem. I am not master of my money. I patch things up, make decisions for now and regard my savings as something for my own pleasure. If I am not master of my money, then it only stands to reason that money is master of me. I am serving money, and money is not serving me. So though I may not stand on the extreme and personify the person the O'Jays so passionately sang about in their seminal tune "For the Love of Money" I am still yet a servant with two masters.

Once understanding convicted me, I came into agreement with God and asked him to show me how to put money where it belongs, as a servant to me and not me a servant to it. I know that money, like emotion, makes a poor master. There are thought patterns and behaviours ingrained in me from a tumultuous lack filled childhood that I must overcome in order to truly be a master over money. In the end, the goal remains the same, to insure that God, the Most High is the only god I serve on this journey to be the best me possible. I'll tell you how it all turns out.