Put On Your Mask First

I had a couple of conversations today with two different women about the same thing and it caused me to make it the subject of today’s meditation. When we are on the plane, and our lovely (or handsome) flight attendants give their safety spiel, at the point at which they describe the procedures for putting on your oxygen mask, they plainly instruct each individual that if they have someone who needs assistance to place their own masks on first, and then assist the person who requires assistance. The idea is, if you try to assist the other first, and something delays the action, such as the person is in distress or inconsolable... the more capable person would become incapable of helping themselves or the person for whom the help was initially needed. So I say today, put on your own mask first.

I speak to women mostly, because generally we are the nurturers, our energy is normally poured out. Anyone who serves others however may suffer from this infirmity. It is a sickness to think of yourself as so indispensable that you forget to take care of yourself. It is unhealthy and unwise to pour from an empty spirit. Many times we are coming up empty because we do not establish adequate boundaries. We don’t allow ourselves to tell people “no”, we don’t give our children bed times or set schedules for the smooth running of our households, we procrastinate or don’t make time for all the events we cram into our schedules. In the end, we are responsible for our over active lives. We could easily make time for the mental, physical and spiritual work that goes into having a healthy life if we’d take a long hard look at the commitments we make. A lot of those commitments look good on paper, endless rehearsals, games, recitals, concerts and even church functions fill our calendars and tell us how busy and important we are, but what are we really accomplishing with all those dates?

It is your decision to make whether or not you feel refreshed daily. Whether you take the time for meditation, whether you have an opportunity to talk to the Most High or whether you’re “too busy”. Complaining about being tired does not mean we are accomplishing anything. Take a long hard look at your commitments, and then begin to commit yourself to filling your well so that you may pour out into others from your own abundance. Stop scraping the bottom of the barrel. There is a life more abundant to live. Let’s choose to live it.

So You Want To Be Married?

Marriage is a beautiful institution ordained by God. It is the joining of two souls for the purpose of family and for fulfilling destiny. It is not to be entered into to fill empty space in your life, because you might as well, to get a ring or to have a wedding. It is to be taken seriously not as some magical romantic eraser of your loneliness. So often people approach marriage from such a selfish standpoint. It's all about what they need, but to truly have a prosperous marriage, selfishness will need to die, and the death will be painful!

Right now, as a part of the series at my church (The Awakenings Movement, Houston, TX) we are talking about rewriting raggedy rules for relationships. It is appropriate for me because over the last year, the idea of marriage has become less an idea and more a desire. After my last relationship, I decided that I was done being a "girlfriend." My desire is to be a wife. My decisions changed, the way I approached my friendships changed, the way I allowed men to interact with me changed. If I say I want to be a wife, then there are some standards that I must raise in order to fit the position. I didn't want to make superficial, surface changes. I wanted my changes to be lasting and to be a mirror of the type of person I want to attract into my life to share purpose. I began practicing the sacredness of union even in the midst of having no one anywhere near me to marry. I believe that is part of realizing the responsibility that comes along with a mate the Most High chooses for you.

So if you are a woman (or a man) for that matter who is proclaiming a desire to be wed, take it seriously. Let it be more than lip service. Commit your spirit to the Most High to be refined so that you may attract a Godly mate that is purposed for you and you two together can accomplish great things. If you are currently married, sanctify yourself once again to your marriage. Let that be a constant pursuit along with peace and forgiveness. We are equipped with the power to have healthy relationships, we just have to be willing to do the work. I committed to the idea of commitment, because of it my life has changed for the better, so I can only imagine the way the work I've done now will enhance my marriage once the fullness of time has come and I am ready to receive what the Most High God has for me.

A Heart That Trusts

It is easy to trust God when what we expect to happen is happening… but what about when things are going down that look nothing like the promise… It is a long journey I’ve found from vision to fruition. This journey can be filled with minute to minute heartbreak, simply because I’ve projected my plan on how the vision should come to pass on the situation. I’ve made it a priority that my reality be as I saw it in my head as soon as possible. I have learned and continue to be reminded that my time table and God’s time table don’t work the same way. This wait then becomes a stretching of my faith, and in turn increases my trust in the Most High. I recognize now more than ever that a sincere trust in the promises and the care of the Most High has to encounter some form of test in order to verify it’s strength.

I think all those greek myths had me believing that the Most High God behaved in the ways I’d always read those Greeks had encountered humanity. The Greek Gods were petty and merciless towards humanity… involving themselves in human activity in a way that was more power hungry than love oriented. I think many of us see the Most High in that way. That he plays cruel tricks on us for his amusement. That’s not the case. Any uncomfortable feelings we may experience, as much as we dislike being uncomfortable is for the purpose of our growth. It is a form of tilling the soil in our hearts so that something new may grow there. Not only will there be growth, but there will be fruit, and this fruit becomes sustenance to others who are on different parts of their spiritual journey. Nothing we experience is in vain.

So as we cultivate a heart that truly trusts the Most High God, we will have to be uncomfortable. We will feel a little lost and left alone. The truth is, a heart that really finds its delight in the Lord will not be swayed by circumstances. (That’s an excellent gauge to see where we stand on the trust spectrum). I was meditating this week on the three Hebrew men found in the book of Daniel. They said to the King, Our God is able to deliver us from your furnace, but even if he chooses not to, they’d rather die than to bow down to another god… How’s that for trust, despite the outcome, whether I live or die.. whether it works out the way I think it should or not… I still lay my trust down at the feet of the Most High.

The Illusion of Control

Really... who are we fooling. Do we serious believe that if we do x, then y and z will always follow because we want it to? Sometimes, the car breaks down at an inopportune time, someone extremely slow creeps their way into your lane while you're in a hurry... the computer crashes while you're trying to finish that last piece of your assignment(or type your blog, the irony!)... You name it, it happens, and the unfortunate realization (or fortunate depending on how you look at it) is we control none of it.. absolutely nothing. The only thing we have any real control over is the way we think.


Somewhere we mistakenly began to believe that we could control things, events and people. Maybe it was all that alone time with Barbie(or those little green army men) that fooled us into believing people would behave the way we desire. Whatever the cause, the cure is a full submission to the Master of the Universe... the Divine Creator that controls all, but still allows you to make your own decisions (how's that for discipline?) I read a wonderful book that you've probably heard of, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. He has a chapter in the book that discusses how we have a circle of influence. There is only so much that we can change and the quicker we come to that realization, the more effective as a human being we will become.

It is tempting to fall into manipulative and controlling behavior when we are fearful and feeling insecure. Real growth is recognizing what triggers this behavior, how it feels, and stepping out of the illusion. No matter what is going on, I cannot puppeteer the world to march to my drum. I can only control my own thoughts. So let us work consciously on disciplining our minds to release the things that are out of our control. I think in the end, it will make us a lot less stressful. I'll let you know how it all turns out. You let me know how it works for you.