Fear: Dreamkillers on Speed!

I commit to loving the person I am right now. The first lines of my commitments page. Although many people write their new year’s resolutions in January, April seems to be a time of refocusing and recommitting for me. The first few days of this fourth month has been eventful. Confrontation seems to be the word of the month, and me being a confrontation phobic (is that a word, probably not) has felt the heat, and been very tempted to get my ass right out the kitchen. But fear is the very monster that swallows dreams. My fears, I can go on forever cause I got a stack full. And for all the bravado and confidence I may appear to have on the outside, I am quite the chicken. What I know for sure is one, confrontation must come in order to facilitate change and two fear is the killer of dreams. I am two for two, fortunately I don’t have an issue with self pity, if I did then all would be lost, but then you are reading this, so there is still hope.

One thing I have learned in my twenty-seven years of walking on earth is that if I have an issue, nine times out of ten, there are a good number of people that have the same issue. So today, I want you to think on your dreams, aspirations, visions etc.. and decide, is fear killing my dreams?

I love to write, I love to perform, I love to speak and I love, love, love, love, LOVE to sing! What keeps me from going after those things full force is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure and brace yourself, fear of success have all been issues that have plagued me along my journey. Right now, as I write this, I am convinced within my heart of hearts that I am on the verge of seeing a great many of my dreams come true, and you want to know the truth, I am afraid! Insecurity snuck in and told me that maybe I am not as talented as I believed myself to be and all the world is going to find out. But I’ve been drinking milk! My confidence bone is getting stronger, and it is beginning to drown out the fear voice, but it took some times to recognize just how fear was manifesting in my life.

I believe that procrastination is a manifestation of fear. Think about it, why is it that you haven’t recorded that last song, performed that poem that you feel will really touch someone, or pushed your recording like you should. You say, I don’t have the money, but my, those new shoes surely look good on you. You say, it’s not the right time, but the next time someone steps to you wrong on your nine to five, you are surely going to go off. Most of us are hiding gifts and talents inside of us, with the promise to ourselves that we’ll get to it, it will always be there, it’s not the right time, etc… Does this sound familiar? If so then ask yourself, what is it that has me in fear?

Perfectionism is another manifestation of fear. Nobody’s going to hear it, read it or see it till it’s perfect. PLEASE! It’ll collect dust and rot before you let it out there. What I’ve found as I have worked towards bettering my craft and skills is that, to be an artist, is to be naked. Just like Adam and Eve on day eight. We are laying our heart and souls on wax or canvas, and allowing all to oppose, ridicule, love or leave. It’s a scary thought, and that can lead us to bury our talent in a backyard along with the dream we just allowed to die.

As I wrote my commitments this April, I also committed to being proactive and actively pursuing my goals and visions. This for me means (big gulp) diligence, discipline and determination. I’ve always found it easy to motivate others to achieve, but now it is time to motivate myself. I could cop out, be the editor, the manager or the developer, but I’d be playing it safe like I did in middle school. Hooking up my friend with the guy I really wanted to date. I am tired of the side lines, and I am ready to see my dreams come to life. Most of all, I refuse to let fear kill my dreams.

Written April, 2005

You, Him and HIs Dream

How to find the balance when dating the young, fabulous and ambitious

We want him. We know we want him. A man with ambition. It is the reason why many of us dress ourselves in too tight shoes to stand in too packed clubs. We want that mover and shaker, the one who’s making deals and going places. Now before the defenses come out please understand I am not judging, just putting a voice to a truth we all already know.

So we’ve met him. It’s all gravy now, right? Well let’s think about it. Where is he on his journey to his dreams? He knows a lot of people, gets invited to some pretty swank parties and carries that air of confidence that magnetizes a room. But he also works all times of the evening. Where there should be snuggling, he has “blue glow” on his face from the computer screen.

It’s wonderful to meet someone on the verge, but we must realize, many men in their late twenties and early to mid thirties are still establishing themselves in their field, as many of us are. He may not be able to be the doting boyfriend you thought you’d have when you entered this relationship. Shelia’s boyfriend who works for UPS has time to stop by her job everyday and bring her lunch. Your ambitious love however, may be meeting an important client, and may only be able to meet you for dinner. Will this comparison cause him grief in the evening cause you where jealous while Shelia showed off her chicken Caesar salad?

There are two things I’d like you to consider while pondering this relationship with this young, fabulous and ambitious gentleman. Is he someone who works hard, but also makes time for you? Or, is he one who works with no regard to your wants and needs in the relationship? Being young, fabulous and ambitious is not a free pass for someone to disregard your wants and needs, but we must realize while in this partnership we may have to sacrifice a few creature comforts. Sacrifices however should be mutual and not one-sided.

In your commitment, do not forget to take care of yourself. Never lay your happiness in someone else’s hands. Be sure to be on the verge yourself. Don’t be the nagging, waiting girlfriend on the other end of the phone. Don’t be his beck and call girl. We know all to well that girlfriends and wives for that matter are being replaced everyday. Make yourself a priority and be honest about what you are actually getting from the relationship. Then make up your mind if it’s a relationship you want to keep. Know that a selfish, workaholic boyfriend often becomes a selfish, workaholic husband if you let him. He is not going to change. So if your emotional needs aren’t being met, take your glad bags and drop him before you become overly attached to someone who is not slightly attached to you.

A Better You

Honestly, it should probably be called a better me... but since life lessons are universal, I'll be more than happy to share. You have all kinds of options to improve yourself... I just want to be one of many resources you use!