I believe fear to be one of the key blocks to being a better me. I struggle with fear on so many levels that it is nearly crippling. I am grateful for awareness,that I see how fear hinders my forward progression. The anxiety (which is a form of fear, along with dread and procrastination) produced when I succumb to my fear amplifies it's affects and produces physical results that further hinder my growth, thus becoming a toxic cycle of fear, anxiety and guilt. It is a cycle however that I am so aware of, I am following the cues of the spirit of God inside of me to bring this cycle to an end. Fear, I believe is my thorn. It keeps me in check, it is only by God's grace that I am able to see beyond my fear and embark on those assignments that are mine to tackle and that will bring glory to God and expose others to the righteousness, peace and joy that is the kingdom of God.
As a part of the thematic movement at The Awakenings Movement where I attend worship services and participate with a community of believers and workers for God's kingdom on earth, we are currently in a thematic movement called The Ripple Effect. The first part of The Ripple Effect was called Love Out Loud. We we learned to Love God, Family, Friends, Coworkers, Strangers and Ourselves out loud. Intentionally being the start of a ripple of Love throughout the community. We have continued to a second part of The Ripple Effect called, Conversations. We are learning to have hard conversations with God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit. Lastly we will learn to have hard conversations with other people. Today we talked about the Holy Spirit, which really illuminated the role that the Holy Spirit plays in my life when it comes to getting past fear. I think a lot of times when we need deliverance and desire a change in our lives and pray to God for an answer, we expect it to supernaturally disappear. When Paul prayed for God to remove the thorn from his flesh, he said he received an answer from God that many of us aren't ready to hear. God wasn't going to remove the thorn, but told Paul that the Grace given to him from God was sufficient to get him past any thorn in his flesh. It's a tough pill to swallow that the problem won't magically go away. The upside is, that God is offering Himself through relationship to be your companion as you walk through this life and that His Grace, the power of His Holy Spirit is available to take us through the things that plague us.
I had a revelation today regarding my thorn. I keep wanting God to just take it away. I don't want to even experience the fear. I hate feeling like an idiot each time I allow fear to hinder what I know God is directing me to do. But what I learned today is that the through my continual engagement with God, through our relationship, I can overcome and walk forward with him into every situation that he allows me to face. So the fear may not go away, but I know without a doubt, he walks with me.
One of the challenges I've been given is to not procrastinate. I know that I procrastinate out of fear. Through this challenge I am invited to engage in a new level of dependence on God's spirit to lead me, and to support me in the area of my weakness. It scares me, because I do not want to fail. I will not allow that fear to stand in the way of a new belief that I had always said, but I had not really believed... I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Waking Dreams
I think sometimes we spend so much time fantasizing about how good things could be, we don't recognize when they are becoming what we always believe they could. I know that sentence is a little convoluted, but all I am trying to say: our day dreams do activate things, and cause us to make changes in the way we behave, thus helping us to achieve what we've always imagined we could. What happens to many of us all too often is that we're so busy looking for things to be exactly as we've imagined them that we miss the reality of our waking dreams coming true.
I've been thinking a lot lately about becoming the woman I always imagined I could. What I am recognizing is that in many ways, I am becoming her. She gets compliments about the things I've always wanted to be, and to behave. Other people notice that I am becoming the woman of my dreams, why is it so hard for me to recognize her in the mirror. The word says that as a man (or woman for that matter) thinks.. so is he. If I think of myself as strong, and healthy, well taken care of and highly productive while walking in my purpose.. then my actions tend to follow those thoughts. Oftentimes, I am so hard on myself that I miss the small milestones that I make in my journey and see my plight in such a negative light that I forget to celebrate my progress.
If you are like me, your own worse task master, I encourage you to look at who you've always wanted to become and what you've always wanted to accomplish and celebrate your milestones. I have committed my mind to that for a few days.. not to be contented to stay there, but to encourage myself to reach further and tackle more goals. I am also doing it so that I may see the journey as something to celebrate and not something to lament. Growth is a process... but I am so grateful that my dreams are coming true in my waking hours. That's encouragement in itself!
I've been thinking a lot lately about becoming the woman I always imagined I could. What I am recognizing is that in many ways, I am becoming her. She gets compliments about the things I've always wanted to be, and to behave. Other people notice that I am becoming the woman of my dreams, why is it so hard for me to recognize her in the mirror. The word says that as a man (or woman for that matter) thinks.. so is he. If I think of myself as strong, and healthy, well taken care of and highly productive while walking in my purpose.. then my actions tend to follow those thoughts. Oftentimes, I am so hard on myself that I miss the small milestones that I make in my journey and see my plight in such a negative light that I forget to celebrate my progress.
If you are like me, your own worse task master, I encourage you to look at who you've always wanted to become and what you've always wanted to accomplish and celebrate your milestones. I have committed my mind to that for a few days.. not to be contented to stay there, but to encourage myself to reach further and tackle more goals. I am also doing it so that I may see the journey as something to celebrate and not something to lament. Growth is a process... but I am so grateful that my dreams are coming true in my waking hours. That's encouragement in itself!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Irreverently Yours
I have a bad habit of running my mouth. It isn't wholly a bad habit, it's just that sometimes the wrong things come out of my mouth. I am sure it amounts to a spiritual disease of the tongue. I don't mean to be visceral in all things sacred or otherwise, but that's usually what gets the point across. I can cut people down with the same efficiency and with the same tongue that can build them up. I honestly believe I use my mouth more often than not to build people up. But, I am aware I will never really get it down to perfection. I am a lot more purposeful these days with my tongue. I now realize the real power that is wielded in a few ounces of flesh located in my mouth.
As of late, I've really begun to see just what kind of effect ill placed words can have on those around me, and can have on my life. So I am sharing my shame with you. I am also outwardly confessing my commitment to be as intentional as possible with what comes out of my mouth, as well as what goes into it. Jesus told us that what comes out the mouth defiles the body and not what goes into the mouth. Many of us are preoccupied by what we eat and what we drink, but we really don't think about how what we say affects others. Not only that, the word tells us that life and death are in the tongue, so we can speak life or death to the situations in our own lives through what we say. So as I explore this journey of speaking life with my tongue and not the language of sarcasm and cynicism... I challenge you to do the same. Let me know how it goes for you, and I'll keep you posted. sk
As of late, I've really begun to see just what kind of effect ill placed words can have on those around me, and can have on my life. So I am sharing my shame with you. I am also outwardly confessing my commitment to be as intentional as possible with what comes out of my mouth, as well as what goes into it. Jesus told us that what comes out the mouth defiles the body and not what goes into the mouth. Many of us are preoccupied by what we eat and what we drink, but we really don't think about how what we say affects others. Not only that, the word tells us that life and death are in the tongue, so we can speak life or death to the situations in our own lives through what we say. So as I explore this journey of speaking life with my tongue and not the language of sarcasm and cynicism... I challenge you to do the same. Let me know how it goes for you, and I'll keep you posted. sk
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Desperately Seeking Contentment
Paul wrote that he had learned to be content no matter what the state he found himself. (Phil 4:11-12) I have been thinking a lot about his statements as of late, and have committed my heart to the pursuit of contentment. There is so much talk about happiness and what it takes to achieve it and furthermore what would be required to maintain it. Happiness we know is fleeting and requires many variables in order to be maintained. I think it can be inferred from Paul’s statement that contentment was a learned behavior, something one would have to train their mind in order to obtain and to maintain.
I think a key component in learning contentment is to realize that in the end, we really have little control over most circumstances. Sometimes our actions instigate a reaction, but often time things happen to us that we have little to no control over at all. Our company downsizes, and we are part of the size that’s going down, or we have an auto accident that causes us to lose our transportation… any number of things can cause our situation to change. Our challenge, when circumstances change, for better or for worse is to find contentment in our present. I know often we think of the challenge of finding contentment when things are not going according to plan, but we must also learn a spirit of gratefulness when things are going according to plan. Ironic isn’t it. Oftentimes, I encounter people whose lives are going down an almost charmed path yet they feel uneasy as if something is going to come along and drastically change their happy into sad, so that even in the times of plenty, they are not content because of a sense of foreboding that inhibits them from fully enjoying the state that they’ve found themselves.
So how do we learn contentment? I believe it begins with training our minds towards gratefulness. When we cultivate the spirit of thanksgiving in our lives, even for small things, we teach our brain to think of our situations as an opportunity to recognize God’s goodness and grace in our everyday situations. In Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnach, it is suggested that we keep a gratitude journal and each day write down at least five things for which we are thankful. I think if we do that and follow Paul’s other advice to find whatever is beautiful (Phil 4:8) and focus on those things, we can learn to be content, no matter what situation in which we find ourselves. I am up to the challenge, I hope that you are as well. Blessings… sk
I think a key component in learning contentment is to realize that in the end, we really have little control over most circumstances. Sometimes our actions instigate a reaction, but often time things happen to us that we have little to no control over at all. Our company downsizes, and we are part of the size that’s going down, or we have an auto accident that causes us to lose our transportation… any number of things can cause our situation to change. Our challenge, when circumstances change, for better or for worse is to find contentment in our present. I know often we think of the challenge of finding contentment when things are not going according to plan, but we must also learn a spirit of gratefulness when things are going according to plan. Ironic isn’t it. Oftentimes, I encounter people whose lives are going down an almost charmed path yet they feel uneasy as if something is going to come along and drastically change their happy into sad, so that even in the times of plenty, they are not content because of a sense of foreboding that inhibits them from fully enjoying the state that they’ve found themselves.
So how do we learn contentment? I believe it begins with training our minds towards gratefulness. When we cultivate the spirit of thanksgiving in our lives, even for small things, we teach our brain to think of our situations as an opportunity to recognize God’s goodness and grace in our everyday situations. In Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnach, it is suggested that we keep a gratitude journal and each day write down at least five things for which we are thankful. I think if we do that and follow Paul’s other advice to find whatever is beautiful (Phil 4:8) and focus on those things, we can learn to be content, no matter what situation in which we find ourselves. I am up to the challenge, I hope that you are as well. Blessings… sk
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The How in Your Wait
I was having a conversation with an artisan friend of mine, Michael K. Taylor and we got on the subject of patience. We were dissecting the word and how no matter what happens you have to wait. The conclusion we came to is that patience isn't the wait itself... for the wait itself is inevitable, but patience is the "how" in your wait.
I am waiting on a lot of things to come to pass in my life. A lot of sincere prayers that I've laid at the feet of the Most High and I am waiting on the answers and the outcome. As I am waiting on the answers, I find other things to do. My focus is on the last instructions I've received and doing my very best to be obedient to those things. My "How" in my wait most days is with expectancy and in faith. There are days however when my "How" gets more than a little raggedy. You see.. the longer the wait for the fullness of God's time.. the longer we have to doubt and to see reasons why it shouldn't or couldn't be. This wait also offers more opportunities for our faith to be matured. James 1:4 tells us to let patience have her perfect work so that we would be made mature and lacking in nothing. There is something about delayed gratification that brings about a change in the way we view things. It gives us a new set of priorities and it helps us to realize just how much this world is not all about what we want, need and think we have to have. We learn a lot about our character when we are forced to wait. We get insight into who we are and what about us is stank and needs to be made over.
I am grateful for my wait. I can say that with honesty because I have been challenged and continue to be challenged in my faith and trust in a God that wants my best. Not to make me happy, but to fill me with true joy. I am learning each day as I await the Most High's fulfillment of time that who I am is stronger than I ever thought possible, and that is because patience is working me over so that I may be mature and lacking in nothing.
It is not a matter of if we have to wait... it's how we wait. Let Patience work you over... make the decision to change how you wait.
I am waiting on a lot of things to come to pass in my life. A lot of sincere prayers that I've laid at the feet of the Most High and I am waiting on the answers and the outcome. As I am waiting on the answers, I find other things to do. My focus is on the last instructions I've received and doing my very best to be obedient to those things. My "How" in my wait most days is with expectancy and in faith. There are days however when my "How" gets more than a little raggedy. You see.. the longer the wait for the fullness of God's time.. the longer we have to doubt and to see reasons why it shouldn't or couldn't be. This wait also offers more opportunities for our faith to be matured. James 1:4 tells us to let patience have her perfect work so that we would be made mature and lacking in nothing. There is something about delayed gratification that brings about a change in the way we view things. It gives us a new set of priorities and it helps us to realize just how much this world is not all about what we want, need and think we have to have. We learn a lot about our character when we are forced to wait. We get insight into who we are and what about us is stank and needs to be made over.
I am grateful for my wait. I can say that with honesty because I have been challenged and continue to be challenged in my faith and trust in a God that wants my best. Not to make me happy, but to fill me with true joy. I am learning each day as I await the Most High's fulfillment of time that who I am is stronger than I ever thought possible, and that is because patience is working me over so that I may be mature and lacking in nothing.
It is not a matter of if we have to wait... it's how we wait. Let Patience work you over... make the decision to change how you wait.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
The Greatest Love of All
In the end... we're here to do really one thing.. LOVE... Love God, Love ourselves and Love others... all of our actions generally stream out of what or whom we love. We commit ourselves to certain actions to strive to meet the needs of what we love. Sometimes this love is healthy, sometimes destructive, but in the end, the motivation is love... love of self, love of affection from others... etc.. So why don't we focus on the Greatest Love of All.. recognizing the DIVINE that lives in us and wants us to love ourselves enough to seek HIM/HER and love the Most High. We make it so complicated but in the end that's what it's all about. The ultimate love we've been searching for has been hiding in us all along. Isn't that miraculous?!
I had focused on commitment for most of 2008, committing myself to the things that bring life to my life. The things that make the most of who the Most High has created me to be, and now, that foundation is solid (by the GRACE and POWER of the Most High). On that foundation we are building a whole new life. (We meaning the Most High and I, I find myself saying WE a lot lately) A life that is built on truth and authenticity and being all that the Most High has poured into me for the betterment of the world. The challenge I issue to anyone who's eyes happen to make it across these words, what do your actions say about who and what you love? Is that who you believed yourself to be? How do you change it?
I had focused on commitment for most of 2008, committing myself to the things that bring life to my life. The things that make the most of who the Most High has created me to be, and now, that foundation is solid (by the GRACE and POWER of the Most High). On that foundation we are building a whole new life. (We meaning the Most High and I, I find myself saying WE a lot lately) A life that is built on truth and authenticity and being all that the Most High has poured into me for the betterment of the world. The challenge I issue to anyone who's eyes happen to make it across these words, what do your actions say about who and what you love? Is that who you believed yourself to be? How do you change it?
Friday, December 26, 2008
Put On Your Mask First
I had a couple of conversations today with two different women about the same thing and it caused me to make it the subject of today’s meditation. When we are on the plane, and our lovely (or handsome) flight attendants give their safety spiel, at the point at which they describe the procedures for putting on your oxygen mask, they plainly instruct each individual that if they have someone who needs assistance to place their own masks on first, and then assist the person who requires assistance. The idea is, if you try to assist the other first, and something delays the action, such as the person is in distress or inconsolable... the more capable person would become incapable of helping themselves or the person for whom the help was initially needed. So I say today, put on your own mask first.
I speak to women mostly, because generally we are the nurturers, our energy is normally poured out. Anyone who serves others however may suffer from this infirmity. It is a sickness to think of yourself as so indispensable that you forget to take care of yourself. It is unhealthy and unwise to pour from an empty spirit. Many times we are coming up empty because we do not establish adequate boundaries. We don’t allow ourselves to tell people “no”, we don’t give our children bed times or set schedules for the smooth running of our households, we procrastinate or don’t make time for all the events we cram into our schedules. In the end, we are responsible for our over active lives. We could easily make time for the mental, physical and spiritual work that goes into having a healthy life if we’d take a long hard look at the commitments we make. A lot of those commitments look good on paper, endless rehearsals, games, recitals, concerts and even church functions fill our calendars and tell us how busy and important we are, but what are we really accomplishing with all those dates?
It is your decision to make whether or not you feel refreshed daily. Whether you take the time for meditation, whether you have an opportunity to talk to the Most High or whether you’re “too busy”. Complaining about being tired does not mean we are accomplishing anything. Take a long hard look at your commitments, and then begin to commit yourself to filling your well so that you may pour out into others from your own abundance. Stop scraping the bottom of the barrel. There is a life more abundant to live. Let’s choose to live it.
I speak to women mostly, because generally we are the nurturers, our energy is normally poured out. Anyone who serves others however may suffer from this infirmity. It is a sickness to think of yourself as so indispensable that you forget to take care of yourself. It is unhealthy and unwise to pour from an empty spirit. Many times we are coming up empty because we do not establish adequate boundaries. We don’t allow ourselves to tell people “no”, we don’t give our children bed times or set schedules for the smooth running of our households, we procrastinate or don’t make time for all the events we cram into our schedules. In the end, we are responsible for our over active lives. We could easily make time for the mental, physical and spiritual work that goes into having a healthy life if we’d take a long hard look at the commitments we make. A lot of those commitments look good on paper, endless rehearsals, games, recitals, concerts and even church functions fill our calendars and tell us how busy and important we are, but what are we really accomplishing with all those dates?
It is your decision to make whether or not you feel refreshed daily. Whether you take the time for meditation, whether you have an opportunity to talk to the Most High or whether you’re “too busy”. Complaining about being tired does not mean we are accomplishing anything. Take a long hard look at your commitments, and then begin to commit yourself to filling your well so that you may pour out into others from your own abundance. Stop scraping the bottom of the barrel. There is a life more abundant to live. Let’s choose to live it.
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