The Wheat From the Chaff

Many of us have no value for discernment. We have judgment down, whether we admit to it or not, but we resist the opportunity to discern. Discern means to perceive or recognize (something) or to distinguish (someone or something) with difficulty by sight or with the other senses. The act of discernment is defined as the ability to judge well or (in Christian contexts) perception in the absence of judgment with a view to obtaining spiritual direction and understanding,

I believe there is a grittiness to discernment that we miss. In Matthew chapter 3, John the Baptist confronts the religious leaders of his day when they come to be baptized in anticipation of the arrival of Jesus. In response to their fear, for that is how he perceived it as they had been abusing their power over the people, he told them that the master was coming, and that he was going to the threshing room floor to remove the wheat from the chaff. To remove that which is worth something and worth preserving, keeping or growing, from that which hinders those very things.

I believe there are very important things we can learn from the threshing room floor. We learn that there is work involved and what is worthy of preserving may often be found amongst and intertwined with those things we may let go to the fire. So that means we have to apply ourselves and seek to understand, and I believe we have to be armed with a willingness to heed the inner voice and strengthen the influence of the spirit by learning to listen for it more often. The more we listen to the influence of ANYTHING, the stronger that influence becomes in our lives.

From that we learn that sometimes messages of worth may come from a messenger we deem or who has proven themselves not honorable. Later in Matthew, Jesus tells the disciples to listen to what the religious leaders teach, but don’t do what they do. He told his own followers, that what they teach is good stuff, but their behavior is worthless. How often do we dismiss wisdom or potential breakthrough because we deem the messenger to be worthless or dishonorable. Many of us use the dishonesty of preachers and priests as a valid excuse for not exercising in those things we’ve already determined would be beneficial for not only our personal growth, but also the growth of our families and communities.

We are responsible for what we are able to discern. We have the ability to respond to whatever we’re able to see, cause oftentimes it is ours to respond to, to aide in the solution to the things we’ve discerned. One of my favorite quotes is, There is no one coming, God sent you. Many times our lives, homes, families and communities suffer from the neglect of our lack of action in response to what we’ve discerned. I challenge you if you’ve happened upon this to work out what your response is to the truths you’ve discerned in your day to day life. A lot of times we don’t move because we feel we have to make some grande gesture in order to solve it, but sometimes it is so simple as alerting the right person who can solve it, but is not aware of it. We make things like this so very complicated, again, to justify our lack of action with things such as, I don’t have time, or ‘they’ (whomever that is) will take care of it. What is it to them if they don’t know, and who will tell them, if you see and do nothing.

From the Inside Out

I've been doing a lot of meditating lately. Thinking about what it means to be a believer, and how a believer lives, and if my life looks like that of a believer. I've been meditating on my goals, and the things I wish to accomplish and wondering how those things will look through the lens of a believer. I am a singer and a poet, but I don't believe that I do "Christian" music, at least not in the traditional sense. The songs I write, have written and continue to conceptualize doesn't say Jesus in every stanza... but I've always believed that if I use my gift in a respectable way, and if I am creative and true to my beliefs, then the very utilization of that gift is honoring the Most High.

Fast forward to today. I'm in my lab tech class, and we're talking about Christianity and Culture. It makes me think of what's been rolling around in my brain. I recognize that I am a version of the Everything Christian... meaning, I feel that everything I do can potentially bring glory to God. I believe that it is not the location that makes a thing sacred, but the presence that travels with us that makes a thing sacred. Meaning, a meditation in the park on a 60 degree day is church, it's an opportunity to reflect on and worship God.

All these musings bring me back to the same scripture that is hanging out in my left ear right now. "What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy--full of greed and self-indulgence! You blind Pharisee! First wash the inside of the cup and the dish, and then the outside will become clean, too." We as believers who call ourselves Christians become so enamored with the outside of the cup. We focus on things of surface without really searching on the inside to see what's the cause of our outer behaviours. Jesus said if we love him, we'll keep his commandments. That's where it starts, that's how I take away the fragments... the parts of me that are minister, artist and entrepreneur and end the schizophrenic search for what is "right" and begin to learn to just "BE".

I believe the hardest thing for us to do is just "BE" But I also believe the beginning of being starts from the inside, and the foundation of being is to love God, to follow the lead of Christ and walk in our divinity and humanity in a way that glorifies our Father in Heaven. I'm digging deep and looking within, I hope you will too! Peace and love! Selah

Don't Throw Away Your Cross

I had a dream.. early Tuesday morning... in the dream there were crosses everywhere.. some were wooden and plain and laid against the wall.. some were glass, some porcelain, some were ornate and some were actually hanging on the wall... one of them I went to, and read it, and it said that you couldn't throw your cross away... and I looked at my shoulder, and I could see the grooves in my skin from where I had been carrying my cross... and I remember thinking, it is so heavy.. and I really wanted to be rid of that cross.. then I woke up...

I've been meditating on this dream since I had it, but I immediately knew what it meant... Mark 8:34 states "Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

In this passage, Jesus had just predicted his death. Peter pulled him aside and was basically telling Jesus to stop saying that, Jesus said to Peter, get behind me Satan, you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men. (Mark 8:33) It is difficult as we sojourn in this earthly place with spirit goals to remember the cost of the cross. The things we have to give up, the seemingly fun things we forgo in the name of kingdom living.. in the name of taking up our cross. In Mark 8:36, Jesus asks, what good is it for us if we gain the whole world, and forfeit our soul in the name of possessions, in the name of having our "own" life.

I know I have been weary lately, I believe it is evident in my dream in the grooves in my shoulder from carrying the cross.. my cross, that I must bear daily, not for myself, but because I truly believe in a Most High God, that asks this of me, not to torture me, but for the good of all he has created.

I sometimes look at my situation, and wonder what does it profit me. I think of this, especially when frustration sets in and I feel like my work is in vain. Sometimes I just want to be free.. but what really would I gain? There is an inner yearning in me to accomplish these crazy wild visions... something I cannot let go of.. so I bear the grooves in my shoulders, carry my cross and walk on... I truly believe that I am loosing my life for the gospel... I'm watching all the I wannas go down the drain. This is not some kind of happy happy joy joy experience on a Sunday morning to get you to pay your tithes like a good little christian... this is, relationship.. ups and downs, heartaches and physical pain... This is Jesus, knowing he was about to die in a very painful manner, shouldering his cross for the burden of the world. This is me finally understanding what it means to be committed to a life that honors God. Not that it makes me super holy, but it is sobering. And you know something else it is... o.k.

A lot of times I get bored with some christian writers cause I feel like they sugar coat what it means to be a follower so it doesn't scare people off... but you know, this road gets a little dirty, you break some nails and you get sweaty.. but I TRULY believe it is worth it. So no matter how fragile, or how rough yours is... Don't throw away your cross.

Who's the Master?

On Saturday afternoon, I went to a financial seminar hosted by a few friends of mine. As part of my better me campaign I knew I needed to get my finances in order and start putting my money in some sort of investment/savings strategy to provide for my future, including children I don't have yet and a retirement that is at least 35 years away. There was a lot of information presented, nothing too detailed just enough information for me to know that there was a lot to be done. I didn't feel worried when I left, but the wheels in my head were definitely turning. On Monday morning, I woke up with a scripture in my head. Matthew 6:24 states "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." I cannot explain to you the dismay I felt when I looked this scripture up and found out exactly what it said. I was mortified. Was God telling me that I was worshiping money. This went against every idea I've had of myself. In my way of thinking, I don't cheat people to get money, I am not willing to debase myself in order for earthly gain, nor, by my calculation or remembrance am I always chasing money. For about 24 hours, I was in a state of wretchedness about the implications of that scripture. Subsequently, since the drama in my head has died down, the spirit of God has been able to illuminate exactly what that scripture means for me and where I am in my spiritual and financial development.

The scripture says, no one can serve two masters. In the word master is the beginning of my problem. I am not master of my money. I patch things up, make decisions for now and regard my savings as something for my own pleasure. If I am not master of my money, then it only stands to reason that money is master of me. I am serving money, and money is not serving me. So though I may not stand on the extreme and personify the person the O'Jays so passionately sang about in their seminal tune "For the Love of Money" I am still yet a servant with two masters.

Once understanding convicted me, I came into agreement with God and asked him to show me how to put money where it belongs, as a servant to me and not me a servant to it. I know that money, like emotion, makes a poor master. There are thought patterns and behaviours ingrained in me from a tumultuous lack filled childhood that I must overcome in order to truly be a master over money. In the end, the goal remains the same, to insure that God, the Most High is the only god I serve on this journey to be the best me possible. I'll tell you how it all turns out.

What You Know About Lust?

This one is more personal, I posted it on my Facebook page, thought I'd put it here as well... blessings.

So... as many of you who know me know, I've been in becoming the woman I see in my head mode. Let me tell you, it's been a beast. I've realized some things about myself, 1 - I am lazy.. for real, I've been doing just enough to get by so long that it looks like I'm really trying to most people, and really, what I've been doing is half-ing it... So I accepted the challenge to not procrastinate... it's been a doozie! I've committed myself to wiping out the little foxes (that spoil the vines, See Song of Solomon) and it has exposed just how mediocre I've been.

A new challenge along with that has been to eat right, to treat my body like it is important, because, to accomplish the things I see in my head, it is! What I had noticed was an inability to get that habit down. I kept finding myself at the vending machine, or getting ice cream, or bringing my lunch and still going out to buy it. So I focused on my choices, and hit it up one choice at a time, and that works in some cases, but not in all. So that forced me to dig even deeper, and I discovered something about myself that I really wasn't aware of... I'm lustful.

Now generally we think of lust in a sexual sense... but I haven't been sexual, I made a commitment to shut it down until purpose and I are united in matrimony. So, lust should be outta there right.. not so fast, lust is not being satisfied with now. It is longing for what the eye sees. I lust after cars, other people's shapes and size, lust after homes, and all these things I believe I need, that keeps me from being satisfied with now. I also, lust after food. Once I realized that, I confessed it to God, and prayed for His way of getting past the sickness in my spirit, cause that's where the true problems lie. It's not the actions per se, but the underlying spiritual impetus that leads us to the behaviors we exhibit.

As a spiritual construct, when someone is delivered from something, they have to be delivered to something, less that space becomes clean, but empty and ready to be filled with the same spirit again, only stronger and harder to clean. So this morning, I put in google, what is the opposite of lust... and I found a great article on busted halo (http://www.bustedhalo.com/features/the-opposite-of-lust/) that states the opposite of lust is vulnerability... and that's why I am writing this note, cause that knocked me out like that one punch you needed to lose on Mike Tyson's punch out (Viva Nintendo!).

I am a guarded soul. Life in its harshness has taught me in my need to self protect (to preserve a sense of myself) that I need to keep my guard up. Vulnerability fills me with a sort of primal fear that cavemen must have felt when faced with a raptor. It is the kind of thing I know I need in order to unite with purpose, but never really had to face until now. Irony upon ironies (because God really does have a sense of humor) is right now at Awakenings we are talking about facing our fear. So now I am committed as I look away from lust to vulnerability to face my fear of letting people in my inner space. Letting the guard down and forming deeper relationships. Allowing myself to be vulnerable to attack and trusting God to be my protector and vindicator. It's some kind of serious the things that I am experiencing these days. It is exciting, but extremely difficult to face your raggedy and begin to actually go forward in full effort to work on these strongholds that I've always believed was just a part of who I was.

From Fear to Belief

I believe fear to be one of the key blocks to being a better me. I struggle with fear on so many levels that it is nearly crippling. I am grateful for awareness,that I see how fear hinders my forward progression. The anxiety (which is a form of fear, along with dread and procrastination) produced when I succumb to my fear amplifies it's affects and produces physical results that further hinder my growth, thus becoming a toxic cycle of fear, anxiety and guilt. It is a cycle however that I am so aware of, I am following the cues of the spirit of God inside of me to bring this cycle to an end. Fear, I believe is my thorn. It keeps me in check, it is only by God's grace that I am able to see beyond my fear and embark on those assignments that are mine to tackle and that will bring glory to God and expose others to the righteousness, peace and joy that is the kingdom of God.

As a part of the thematic movement at The Awakenings Movement where I attend worship services and participate with a community of believers and workers for God's kingdom on earth, we are currently in a thematic movement called The Ripple Effect. The first part of The Ripple Effect was called Love Out Loud. We we learned to Love God, Family, Friends, Coworkers, Strangers and Ourselves out loud. Intentionally being the start of a ripple of Love throughout the community. We have continued to a second part of The Ripple Effect called, Conversations. We are learning to have hard conversations with God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit. Lastly we will learn to have hard conversations with other people. Today we talked about the Holy Spirit, which really illuminated the role that the Holy Spirit plays in my life when it comes to getting past fear. I think a lot of times when we need deliverance and desire a change in our lives and pray to God for an answer, we expect it to supernaturally disappear. When Paul prayed for God to remove the thorn from his flesh, he said he received an answer from God that many of us aren't ready to hear. God wasn't going to remove the thorn, but told Paul that the Grace given to him from God was sufficient to get him past any thorn in his flesh. It's a tough pill to swallow that the problem won't magically go away. The upside is, that God is offering Himself through relationship to be your companion as you walk through this life and that His Grace, the power of His Holy Spirit is available to take us through the things that plague us.

I had a revelation today regarding my thorn. I keep wanting God to just take it away. I don't want to even experience the fear. I hate feeling like an idiot each time I allow fear to hinder what I know God is directing me to do. But what I learned today is that the through my continual engagement with God, through our relationship, I can overcome and walk forward with him into every situation that he allows me to face. So the fear may not go away, but I know without a doubt, he walks with me.

One of the challenges I've been given is to not procrastinate. I know that I procrastinate out of fear. Through this challenge I am invited to engage in a new level of dependence on God's spirit to lead me, and to support me in the area of my weakness. It scares me, because I do not want to fail. I will not allow that fear to stand in the way of a new belief that I had always said, but I had not really believed... I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.

Waking Dreams

I think sometimes we spend so much time fantasizing about how good things could be, we don't recognize when they are becoming what we always believe they could. I know that sentence is a little convoluted, but all I am trying to say: our day dreams do activate things, and cause us to make changes in the way we behave, thus helping us to achieve what we've always imagined we could. What happens to many of us all too often is that we're so busy looking for things to be exactly as we've imagined them that we miss the reality of our waking dreams coming true.

I've been thinking a lot lately about becoming the woman I always imagined I could. What I am recognizing is that in many ways, I am becoming her. She gets compliments about the things I've always wanted to be, and to behave. Other people notice that I am becoming the woman of my dreams, why is it so hard for me to recognize her in the mirror. The word says that as a man (or woman for that matter) thinks.. so is he. If I think of myself as strong, and healthy, well taken care of and highly productive while walking in my purpose.. then my actions tend to follow those thoughts. Oftentimes, I am so hard on myself that I miss the small milestones that I make in my journey and see my plight in such a negative light that I forget to celebrate my progress.

If you are like me, your own worse task master, I encourage you to look at who you've always wanted to become and what you've always wanted to accomplish and celebrate your milestones. I have committed my mind to that for a few days.. not to be contented to stay there, but to encourage myself to reach further and tackle more goals. I am also doing it so that I may see the journey as something to celebrate and not something to lament. Growth is a process... but I am so grateful that my dreams are coming true in my waking hours. That's encouragement in itself!