A Better You!

The Wheat From the Chaff

2011-10-07T16:41:00.001-07:00

Many of us have no value for discernment. We have judgment down, whether we admit to it or not, but we resist the opportunity to discern. Discern means to perceive or recognize (something) or to distinguish (someone or something) with difficulty by sight or with the other senses. The act of discernment is defined as the ability to judge well or (in Christian contexts) perception in the absence of judgment with a view to obtaining spiritual direction and understanding,

I believe there is a grittiness to discernment that we miss. In Matthew chapter 3, John the Baptist confronts the religious leaders of his day when they come to be baptized in anticipation of the arrival of Jesus. In response to their fear, for that is how he perceived it as they had been abusing their power over the people, he told them that the master was coming, and that he was going to the threshing room floor to remove the wheat from the chaff. To remove that which is worth something and worth preserving, keeping or growing, from that which hinders those very things.

I believe there are very important things we can learn from the threshing room floor. We learn that there is work involved and what is worthy of preserving may often be found amongst and intertwined with those things we may let go to the fire. So that means we have to apply ourselves and seek to understand, and I believe we have to be armed with a willingness to heed the inner voice and strengthen the influence of the spirit by learning to listen for it more often. The more we listen to the influence of ANYTHING, the stronger that influence becomes in our lives.

From that we learn that sometimes messages of worth may come from a messenger we deem or who has proven themselves not honorable. Later in Matthew, Jesus tells the disciples to listen to what the religious leaders teach, but don’t do what they do. He told his own followers, that what they teach is good stuff, but their behavior is worthless. How often do we dismiss wisdom or potential breakthrough because we deem the messenger to be worthless or dishonorable. Many of us use the dishonesty of preachers and priests as a valid excuse for not exercising in those things we’ve already determined would be beneficial for not only our personal growth, but also the growth of our families and communities.

We are responsible for what we are able to discern. We have the ability to respond to whatever we’re able to see, cause oftentimes it is ours to respond to, to aide in the solution to the things we’ve discerned. One of my favorite quotes is, There is no one coming, God sent you. Many times our lives, homes, families and communities suffer from the neglect of our lack of action in response to what we’ve discerned. I challenge you if you’ve happened upon this to work out what your response is to the truths you’ve discerned in your day to day life. A lot of times we don’t move because we feel we have to make some grande gesture in order to solve it, but sometimes it is so simple as alerting the right person who can solve it, but is not aware of it. We make things like this so very complicated, again, to justify our lack of action with things such as, I don’t have time, or ‘they’ (whomever that is) will take care of it. What is it to them if they don’t know, and who will tell them, if you see and do nothing.

From the Inside Out

2010-02-06T17:05:00.001-08:00

I've been doing a lot of meditating lately. Thinking about what it means to be a believer, and how a believer lives, and if my life looks like that of a believer. I've been meditating on my goals, and the things I wish to accomplish and wondering how those things will look through the lens of a believer. I am a singer and a poet, but I don't believe that I do "Christian" music, at least not in the traditional sense. The songs I write, have written and continue to conceptualize doesn't say Jesus in every stanza... but I've always believed that if I use my gift in a respectable way, and if I am creative and true to my beliefs, then the very utilization of that gift is honoring the Most High.

Fast forward to today. I'm in my lab tech class, and we're talking about Christianity and Culture. It makes me think of what's been rolling around in my brain. I recognize that I am a version of the Everything Christian... meaning, I feel that everything I do can potentially bring glory to God. I believe that it is not the location that makes a thing sacred, but the presence that travels with us that makes a thing sacred. Meaning, a meditation in the park on a 60 degree day is church, it's an opportunity to reflect on and worship God.

All these musings bring me back to the same scripture that is hanging out in my left ear right now. "What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy--full of greed and self-indulgence! You blind Pharisee! First wash the inside of the cup and the dish, and then the outside will become clean, too." We as believers who call ourselves Christians become so enamored with the outside of the cup. We focus on things of surface without really searching on the inside to see what's the cause of our outer behaviours. Jesus said if we love him, we'll keep his commandments. That's where it starts, that's how I take away the fragments... the parts of me that are minister, artist and entrepreneur and end the schizophrenic search for what is "right" and begin to learn to just "BE".

I believe the hardest thing for us to do is just "BE" But I also believe the beginning of being starts from the inside, and the foundation of being is to love God, to follow the lead of Christ and walk in our divinity and humanity in a way that glorifies our Father in Heaven. I'm digging deep and looking within, I hope you will too! Peace and love! Selah

Don't Throw Away Your Cross

2009-07-29T21:37:00.001-07:00

I had a dream.. early Tuesday morning... in the dream there were crosses everywhere.. some were wooden and plain and laid against the wall.. some were glass, some porcelain, some were ornate and some were actually hanging on the wall... one of them I went to, and read it, and it said that you couldn't throw your cross away... and I looked at my shoulder, and I could see the grooves in my skin from where I had been carrying my cross... and I remember thinking, it is so heavy.. and I really wanted to be rid of that cross.. then I woke up...

I've been meditating on this dream since I had it, but I immediately knew what it meant... Mark 8:34 states "Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

In this passage, Jesus had just predicted his death. Peter pulled him aside and was basically telling Jesus to stop saying that, Jesus said to Peter, get behind me Satan, you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men. (Mark 8:33) It is difficult as we sojourn in this earthly place with spirit goals to remember the cost of the cross. The things we have to give up, the seemingly fun things we forgo in the name of kingdom living.. in the name of taking up our cross. In Mark 8:36, Jesus asks, what good is it for us if we gain the whole world, and forfeit our soul in the name of possessions, in the name of having our "own" life.

I know I have been weary lately, I believe it is evident in my dream in the grooves in my shoulder from carrying the cross.. my cross, that I must bear daily, not for myself, but because I truly believe in a Most High God, that asks this of me, not to torture me, but for the good of all he has created.

I sometimes look at my situation, and wonder what does it profit me. I think of this, especially when frustration sets in and I feel like my work is in vain. Sometimes I just want to be free.. but what really would I gain? There is an inner yearning in me to accomplish these crazy wild visions... something I cannot let go of.. so I bear the grooves in my shoulders, carry my cross and walk on... I truly believe that I am loosing my life for the gospel... I'm watching all the I wannas go down the drain. This is not some kind of happy happy joy joy experience on a Sunday morning to get you to pay your tithes like a good little christian... this is, relationship.. ups and downs, heartaches and physical pain... This is Jesus, knowing he was about to die in a very painful manner, shouldering his cross for the burden of the world. This is me finally understanding what it means to be committed to a life that honors God. Not that it makes me super holy, but it is sobering. And you know something else it is... o.k.

A lot of times I get bored with some christian writers cause I feel like they sugar coat what it means to be a follower so it doesn't scare people off... but you know, this road gets a little dirty, you break some nails and you get sweaty.. but I TRULY believe it is worth it. So no matter how fragile, or how rough yours is... Don't throw away your cross.

Who's the Master?

2009-07-15T03:13:00.000-07:00

On Saturday afternoon, I went to a financial seminar hosted by a few friends of mine. As part of my better me campaign I knew I needed to get my finances in order and start putting my money in some sort of investment/savings strategy to provide for my future, including children I don't have yet and a retirement that is at least 35 years away. There was a lot of information presented, nothing too detailed just enough information for me to know that there was a lot to be done. I didn't feel worried when I left, but the wheels in my head were definitely turning. On Monday morning, I woke up with a scripture in my head. Matthew 6:24 states "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." I cannot explain to you the dismay I felt when I looked this scripture up and found out exactly what it said. I was mortified. Was God telling me that I was worshiping money. This went against every idea I've had of myself. In my way of thinking, I don't cheat people to get money, I am not willing to debase myself in order for earthly gain, nor, by my calculation or remembrance am I always chasing money. For about 24 hours, I was in a state of wretchedness about the implications of that scripture. Subsequently, since the drama in my head has died down, the spirit of God has been able to illuminate exactly what that scripture means for me and where I am in my spiritual and financial development.

The scripture says, no one can serve two masters. In the word master is the beginning of my problem. I am not master of my money. I patch things up, make decisions for now and regard my savings as something for my own pleasure. If I am not master of my money, then it only stands to reason that money is master of me. I am serving money, and money is not serving me. So though I may not stand on the extreme and personify the person the O'Jays so passionately sang about in their seminal tune "For the Love of Money" I am still yet a servant with two masters.

Once understanding convicted me, I came into agreement with God and asked him to show me how to put money where it belongs, as a servant to me and not me a servant to it. I know that money, like emotion, makes a poor master. There are thought patterns and behaviours ingrained in me from a tumultuous lack filled childhood that I must overcome in order to truly be a master over money. In the end, the goal remains the same, to insure that God, the Most High is the only god I serve on this journey to be the best me possible. I'll tell you how it all turns out.

What You Know About Lust?

2009-05-14T09:41:00.001-07:00

This one is more personal, I posted it on my Facebook page, thought I'd put it here as well... blessings.

So... as many of you who know me know, I've been in becoming the woman I see in my head mode. Let me tell you, it's been a beast. I've realized some things about myself, 1 - I am lazy.. for real, I've been doing just enough to get by so long that it looks like I'm really trying to most people, and really, what I've been doing is half-ing it... So I accepted the challenge to not procrastinate... it's been a doozie! I've committed myself to wiping out the little foxes (that spoil the vines, See Song of Solomon) and it has exposed just how mediocre I've been.

A new challenge along with that has been to eat right, to treat my body like it is important, because, to accomplish the things I see in my head, it is! What I had noticed was an inability to get that habit down. I kept finding myself at the vending machine, or getting ice cream, or bringing my lunch and still going out to buy it. So I focused on my choices, and hit it up one choice at a time, and that works in some cases, but not in all. So that forced me to dig even deeper, and I discovered something about myself that I really wasn't aware of... I'm lustful.

Now generally we think of lust in a sexual sense... but I haven't been sexual, I made a commitment to shut it down until purpose and I are united in matrimony. So, lust should be outta there right.. not so fast, lust is not being satisfied with now. It is longing for what the eye sees. I lust after cars, other people's shapes and size, lust after homes, and all these things I believe I need, that keeps me from being satisfied with now. I also, lust after food. Once I realized that, I confessed it to God, and prayed for His way of getting past the sickness in my spirit, cause that's where the true problems lie. It's not the actions per se, but the underlying spiritual impetus that leads us to the behaviors we exhibit.

As a spiritual construct, when someone is delivered from something, they have to be delivered to something, less that space becomes clean, but empty and ready to be filled with the same spirit again, only stronger and harder to clean. So this morning, I put in google, what is the opposite of lust... and I found a great article on busted halo (http://www.bustedhalo.com/features/the-opposite-of-lust/) that states the opposite of lust is vulnerability... and that's why I am writing this note, cause that knocked me out like that one punch you needed to lose on Mike Tyson's punch out (Viva Nintendo!).

I am a guarded soul. Life in its harshness has taught me in my need to self protect (to preserve a sense of myself) that I need to keep my guard up. Vulnerability fills me with a sort of primal fear that cavemen must have felt when faced with a raptor. It is the kind of thing I know I need in order to unite with purpose, but never really had to face until now. Irony upon ironies (because God really does have a sense of humor) is right now at Awakenings we are talking about facing our fear. So now I am committed as I look away from lust to vulnerability to face my fear of letting people in my inner space. Letting the guard down and forming deeper relationships. Allowing myself to be vulnerable to attack and trusting God to be my protector and vindicator. It's some kind of serious the things that I am experiencing these days. It is exciting, but extremely difficult to face your raggedy and begin to actually go forward in full effort to work on these strongholds that I've always believed was just a part of who I was.

From Fear to Belief

2009-03-29T13:47:00.001-07:00

I believe fear to be one of the key blocks to being a better me. I struggle with fear on so many levels that it is nearly crippling. I am grateful for awareness,that I see how fear hinders my forward progression. The anxiety (which is a form of fear, along with dread and procrastination) produced when I succumb to my fear amplifies it's affects and produces physical results that further hinder my growth, thus becoming a toxic cycle of fear, anxiety and guilt. It is a cycle however that I am so aware of, I am following the cues of the spirit of God inside of me to bring this cycle to an end. Fear, I believe is my thorn. It keeps me in check, it is only by God's grace that I am able to see beyond my fear and embark on those assignments that are mine to tackle and that will bring glory to God and expose others to the righteousness, peace and joy that is the kingdom of God.

As a part of the thematic movement at The Awakenings Movement where I attend worship services and participate with a community of believers and workers for God's kingdom on earth, we are currently in a thematic movement called The Ripple Effect. The first part of The Ripple Effect was called Love Out Loud. We we learned to Love God, Family, Friends, Coworkers, Strangers and Ourselves out loud. Intentionally being the start of a ripple of Love throughout the community. We have continued to a second part of The Ripple Effect called, Conversations. We are learning to have hard conversations with God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit. Lastly we will learn to have hard conversations with other people. Today we talked about the Holy Spirit, which really illuminated the role that the Holy Spirit plays in my life when it comes to getting past fear. I think a lot of times when we need deliverance and desire a change in our lives and pray to God for an answer, we expect it to supernaturally disappear. When Paul prayed for God to remove the thorn from his flesh, he said he received an answer from God that many of us aren't ready to hear. God wasn't going to remove the thorn, but told Paul that the Grace given to him from God was sufficient to get him past any thorn in his flesh. It's a tough pill to swallow that the problem won't magically go away. The upside is, that God is offering Himself through relationship to be your companion as you walk through this life and that His Grace, the power of His Holy Spirit is available to take us through the things that plague us.

I had a revelation today regarding my thorn. I keep wanting God to just take it away. I don't want to even experience the fear. I hate feeling like an idiot each time I allow fear to hinder what I know God is directing me to do. But what I learned today is that the through my continual engagement with God, through our relationship, I can overcome and walk forward with him into every situation that he allows me to face. So the fear may not go away, but I know without a doubt, he walks with me.

One of the challenges I've been given is to not procrastinate. I know that I procrastinate out of fear. Through this challenge I am invited to engage in a new level of dependence on God's spirit to lead me, and to support me in the area of my weakness. It scares me, because I do not want to fail. I will not allow that fear to stand in the way of a new belief that I had always said, but I had not really believed... I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.

Waking Dreams

2009-03-13T19:52:00.000-07:00

I think sometimes we spend so much time fantasizing about how good things could be, we don't recognize when they are becoming what we always believe they could. I know that sentence is a little convoluted, but all I am trying to say: our day dreams do activate things, and cause us to make changes in the way we behave, thus helping us to achieve what we've always imagined we could. What happens to many of us all too often is that we're so busy looking for things to be exactly as we've imagined them that we miss the reality of our waking dreams coming true.

I've been thinking a lot lately about becoming the woman I always imagined I could. What I am recognizing is that in many ways, I am becoming her. She gets compliments about the things I've always wanted to be, and to behave. Other people notice that I am becoming the woman of my dreams, why is it so hard for me to recognize her in the mirror. The word says that as a man (or woman for that matter) thinks.. so is he. If I think of myself as strong, and healthy, well taken care of and highly productive while walking in my purpose.. then my actions tend to follow those thoughts. Oftentimes, I am so hard on myself that I miss the small milestones that I make in my journey and see my plight in such a negative light that I forget to celebrate my progress.

If you are like me, your own worse task master, I encourage you to look at who you've always wanted to become and what you've always wanted to accomplish and celebrate your milestones. I have committed my mind to that for a few days.. not to be contented to stay there, but to encourage myself to reach further and tackle more goals. I am also doing it so that I may see the journey as something to celebrate and not something to lament. Growth is a process... but I am so grateful that my dreams are coming true in my waking hours. That's encouragement in itself!

Irreverently Yours

2009-02-09T17:40:00.000-08:00

I have a bad habit of running my mouth. It isn't wholly a bad habit, it's just that sometimes the wrong things come out of my mouth. I am sure it amounts to a spiritual disease of the tongue. I don't mean to be visceral in all things sacred or otherwise, but that's usually what gets the point across. I can cut people down with the same efficiency and with the same tongue that can build them up. I honestly believe I use my mouth more often than not to build people up. But, I am aware I will never really get it down to perfection. I am a lot more purposeful these days with my tongue. I now realize the real power that is wielded in a few ounces of flesh located in my mouth.

As of late, I've really begun to see just what kind of effect ill placed words can have on those around me, and can have on my life. So I am sharing my shame with you. I am also outwardly confessing my commitment to be as intentional as possible with what comes out of my mouth, as well as what goes into it. Jesus told us that what comes out the mouth defiles the body and not what goes into the mouth. Many of us are preoccupied by what we eat and what we drink, but we really don't think about how what we say affects others. Not only that, the word tells us that life and death are in the tongue, so we can speak life or death to the situations in our own lives through what we say. So as I explore this journey of speaking life with my tongue and not the language of sarcasm and cynicism... I challenge you to do the same. Let me know how it goes for you, and I'll keep you posted. sk

Desperately Seeking Contentment

2009-01-25T19:28:00.000-08:00

Paul wrote that he had learned to be content no matter what the state he found himself. (Phil 4:11-12) I have been thinking a lot about his statements as of late, and have committed my heart to the pursuit of contentment. There is so much talk about happiness and what it takes to achieve it and furthermore what would be required to maintain it. Happiness we know is fleeting and requires many variables in order to be maintained. I think it can be inferred from Paul’s statement that contentment was a learned behavior, something one would have to train their mind in order to obtain and to maintain.

I think a key component in learning contentment is to realize that in the end, we really have little control over most circumstances. Sometimes our actions instigate a reaction, but often time things happen to us that we have little to no control over at all. Our company downsizes, and we are part of the size that’s going down, or we have an auto accident that causes us to lose our transportation… any number of things can cause our situation to change. Our challenge, when circumstances change, for better or for worse is to find contentment in our present. I know often we think of the challenge of finding contentment when things are not going according to plan, but we must also learn a spirit of gratefulness when things are going according to plan. Ironic isn’t it. Oftentimes, I encounter people whose lives are going down an almost charmed path yet they feel uneasy as if something is going to come along and drastically change their happy into sad, so that even in the times of plenty, they are not content because of a sense of foreboding that inhibits them from fully enjoying the state that they’ve found themselves.

So how do we learn contentment? I believe it begins with training our minds towards gratefulness. When we cultivate the spirit of thanksgiving in our lives, even for small things, we teach our brain to think of our situations as an opportunity to recognize God’s goodness and grace in our everyday situations. In Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnach, it is suggested that we keep a gratitude journal and each day write down at least five things for which we are thankful. I think if we do that and follow Paul’s other advice to find whatever is beautiful (Phil 4:8) and focus on those things, we can learn to be content, no matter what situation in which we find ourselves. I am up to the challenge, I hope that you are as well. Blessings… sk

The How in Your Wait

2009-01-14T19:47:00.000-08:00

I was having a conversation with an artisan friend of mine, Michael K. Taylor and we got on the subject of patience. We were dissecting the word and how no matter what happens you have to wait. The conclusion we came to is that patience isn't the wait itself... for the wait itself is inevitable, but patience is the "how" in your wait.

I am waiting on a lot of things to come to pass in my life. A lot of sincere prayers that I've laid at the feet of the Most High and I am waiting on the answers and the outcome. As I am waiting on the answers, I find other things to do. My focus is on the last instructions I've received and doing my very best to be obedient to those things. My "How" in my wait most days is with expectancy and in faith. There are days however when my "How" gets more than a little raggedy. You see.. the longer the wait for the fullness of God's time.. the longer we have to doubt and to see reasons why it shouldn't or couldn't be. This wait also offers more opportunities for our faith to be matured. James 1:4 tells us to let patience have her perfect work so that we would be made mature and lacking in nothing. There is something about delayed gratification that brings about a change in the way we view things. It gives us a new set of priorities and it helps us to realize just how much this world is not all about what we want, need and think we have to have. We learn a lot about our character when we are forced to wait. We get insight into who we are and what about us is stank and needs to be made over.

I am grateful for my wait. I can say that with honesty because I have been challenged and continue to be challenged in my faith and trust in a God that wants my best. Not to make me happy, but to fill me with true joy. I am learning each day as I await the Most High's fulfillment of time that who I am is stronger than I ever thought possible, and that is because patience is working me over so that I may be mature and lacking in nothing.

It is not a matter of if we have to wait... it's how we wait. Let Patience work you over... make the decision to change how you wait.

The Greatest Love of All

2009-01-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

In the end... we're here to do really one thing.. LOVE... Love God, Love ourselves and Love others... all of our actions generally stream out of what or whom we love. We commit ourselves to certain actions to strive to meet the needs of what we love. Sometimes this love is healthy, sometimes destructive, but in the end, the motivation is love... love of self, love of affection from others... etc.. So why don't we focus on the Greatest Love of All.. recognizing the DIVINE that lives in us and wants us to love ourselves enough to seek HIM/HER and love the Most High. We make it so complicated but in the end that's what it's all about. The ultimate love we've been searching for has been hiding in us all along. Isn't that miraculous?!

I had focused on commitment for most of 2008, committing myself to the things that bring life to my life. The things that make the most of who the Most High has created me to be, and now, that foundation is solid (by the GRACE and POWER of the Most High). On that foundation we are building a whole new life. (We meaning the Most High and I, I find myself saying WE a lot lately) A life that is built on truth and authenticity and being all that the Most High has poured into me for the betterment of the world. The challenge I issue to anyone who's eyes happen to make it across these words, what do your actions say about who and what you love? Is that who you believed yourself to be? How do you change it?

Put On Your Mask First

2008-12-26T15:36:00.000-08:00

I had a couple of conversations today with two different women about the same thing and it caused me to make it the subject of today’s meditation. When we are on the plane, and our lovely (or handsome) flight attendants give their safety spiel, at the point at which they describe the procedures for putting on your oxygen mask, they plainly instruct each individual that if they have someone who needs assistance to place their own masks on first, and then assist the person who requires assistance. The idea is, if you try to assist the other first, and something delays the action, such as the person is in distress or inconsolable... the more capable person would become incapable of helping themselves or the person for whom the help was initially needed. So I say today, put on your own mask first.

I speak to women mostly, because generally we are the nurturers, our energy is normally poured out. Anyone who serves others however may suffer from this infirmity. It is a sickness to think of yourself as so indispensable that you forget to take care of yourself. It is unhealthy and unwise to pour from an empty spirit. Many times we are coming up empty because we do not establish adequate boundaries. We don’t allow ourselves to tell people “no”, we don’t give our children bed times or set schedules for the smooth running of our households, we procrastinate or don’t make time for all the events we cram into our schedules. In the end, we are responsible for our over active lives. We could easily make time for the mental, physical and spiritual work that goes into having a healthy life if we’d take a long hard look at the commitments we make. A lot of those commitments look good on paper, endless rehearsals, games, recitals, concerts and even church functions fill our calendars and tell us how busy and important we are, but what are we really accomplishing with all those dates?

It is your decision to make whether or not you feel refreshed daily. Whether you take the time for meditation, whether you have an opportunity to talk to the Most High or whether you’re “too busy”. Complaining about being tired does not mean we are accomplishing anything. Take a long hard look at your commitments, and then begin to commit yourself to filling your well so that you may pour out into others from your own abundance. Stop scraping the bottom of the barrel. There is a life more abundant to live. Let’s choose to live it.

So You Want To Be Married?

2008-12-17T07:12:00.000-08:00

Marriage is a beautiful institution ordained by God. It is the joining of two souls for the purpose of family and for fulfilling destiny. It is not to be entered into to fill empty space in your life, because you might as well, to get a ring or to have a wedding. It is to be taken seriously not as some magical romantic eraser of your loneliness. So often people approach marriage from such a selfish standpoint. It's all about what they need, but to truly have a prosperous marriage, selfishness will need to die, and the death will be painful!

Right now, as a part of the series at my church (The Awakenings Movement, Houston, TX) we are talking about rewriting raggedy rules for relationships. It is appropriate for me because over the last year, the idea of marriage has become less an idea and more a desire. After my last relationship, I decided that I was done being a "girlfriend." My desire is to be a wife. My decisions changed, the way I approached my friendships changed, the way I allowed men to interact with me changed. If I say I want to be a wife, then there are some standards that I must raise in order to fit the position. I didn't want to make superficial, surface changes. I wanted my changes to be lasting and to be a mirror of the type of person I want to attract into my life to share purpose. I began practicing the sacredness of union even in the midst of having no one anywhere near me to marry. I believe that is part of realizing the responsibility that comes along with a mate the Most High chooses for you.

So if you are a woman (or a man) for that matter who is proclaiming a desire to be wed, take it seriously. Let it be more than lip service. Commit your spirit to the Most High to be refined so that you may attract a Godly mate that is purposed for you and you two together can accomplish great things. If you are currently married, sanctify yourself once again to your marriage. Let that be a constant pursuit along with peace and forgiveness. We are equipped with the power to have healthy relationships, we just have to be willing to do the work. I committed to the idea of commitment, because of it my life has changed for the better, so I can only imagine the way the work I've done now will enhance my marriage once the fullness of time has come and I am ready to receive what the Most High God has for me.

A Heart That Trusts

2008-12-13T07:33:00.000-08:00

It is easy to trust God when what we expect to happen is happening… but what about when things are going down that look nothing like the promise… It is a long journey I’ve found from vision to fruition. This journey can be filled with minute to minute heartbreak, simply because I’ve projected my plan on how the vision should come to pass on the situation. I’ve made it a priority that my reality be as I saw it in my head as soon as possible. I have learned and continue to be reminded that my time table and God’s time table don’t work the same way. This wait then becomes a stretching of my faith, and in turn increases my trust in the Most High. I recognize now more than ever that a sincere trust in the promises and the care of the Most High has to encounter some form of test in order to verify it’s strength.

I think all those greek myths had me believing that the Most High God behaved in the ways I’d always read those Greeks had encountered humanity. The Greek Gods were petty and merciless towards humanity… involving themselves in human activity in a way that was more power hungry than love oriented. I think many of us see the Most High in that way. That he plays cruel tricks on us for his amusement. That’s not the case. Any uncomfortable feelings we may experience, as much as we dislike being uncomfortable is for the purpose of our growth. It is a form of tilling the soil in our hearts so that something new may grow there. Not only will there be growth, but there will be fruit, and this fruit becomes sustenance to others who are on different parts of their spiritual journey. Nothing we experience is in vain.

So as we cultivate a heart that truly trusts the Most High God, we will have to be uncomfortable. We will feel a little lost and left alone. The truth is, a heart that really finds its delight in the Lord will not be swayed by circumstances. (That’s an excellent gauge to see where we stand on the trust spectrum). I was meditating this week on the three Hebrew men found in the book of Daniel. They said to the King, Our God is able to deliver us from your furnace, but even if he chooses not to, they’d rather die than to bow down to another god… How’s that for trust, despite the outcome, whether I live or die.. whether it works out the way I think it should or not… I still lay my trust down at the feet of the Most High.

The Illusion of Control

2008-12-03T12:45:00.001-08:00

Really... who are we fooling. Do we serious believe that if we do x, then y and z will always follow because we want it to? Sometimes, the car breaks down at an inopportune time, someone extremely slow creeps their way into your lane while you're in a hurry... the computer crashes while you're trying to finish that last piece of your assignment(or type your blog, the irony!)... You name it, it happens, and the unfortunate realization (or fortunate depending on how you look at it) is we control none of it.. absolutely nothing. The only thing we have any real control over is the way we think.

Somewhere we mistakenly began to believe that we could control things, events and people. Maybe it was all that alone time with Barbie(or those little green army men) that fooled us into believing people would behave the way we desire. Whatever the cause, the cure is a full submission to the Master of the Universe... the Divine Creator that controls all, but still allows you to make your own decisions (how's that for discipline?) I read a wonderful book that you've probably heard of, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. He has a chapter in the book that discusses how we have a circle of influence. There is only so much that we can change and the quicker we come to that realization, the more effective as a human being we will become.

It is tempting to fall into manipulative and controlling behavior when we are fearful and feeling insecure. Real growth is recognizing what triggers this behavior, how it feels, and stepping out of the illusion. No matter what is going on, I cannot puppeteer the world to march to my drum. I can only control my own thoughts. So let us work consciously on disciplining our minds to release the things that are out of our control. I think in the end, it will make us a lot less stressful. I'll let you know how it all turns out. You let me know how it works for you.

A Slice of Joy on the Side

2008-11-25T18:40:00.001-08:00

What have you created for yourself today? I believe we create our own days despite our circumstances, not that circumstances create our day. I know there are difficult situations... death, sickness, financial upheaval, emotional distress and other earth shattering events that catapult your whole life into a place where there seems to be only darkness. I don't mean to make light of these situations; my admonition however is that even in the most difficult of situations.. we have to find our slice of joy in the midst of turmoil.

I've found quite often that people, on the outside looking in, believe nothing bothers me. That could not be further from the truth. A lot of things bother me... stress at work, a demanding job, worrying about money... many things. But I have learned and continue to re-learn that many of the things I worry about I have no ability to control. Since I can't control them, why exactly should I worrying about them?

The Bible says, that the Most High is well aware of what we need (Matthew 6). We make things so difficult and we say we are believers. Sometimes, finding joy is living like we believe and allowing the Most High to handle those things that we cannot handle. Sometimes, when I find myself overwhelmed, I walk away from what is causing me stress and just begin to talk to God about them. Like he is standing there in front of me and hearing everything I have to say. In my life, I believe he is... and when I am done... I thank him for the things that are going right.... the blessings I do have... This puts things into perspective and allows me to find that slice of joy on the side of a trying day.

I challenge you to develop an attitude of gratefulness so that you may find Your slice of joy. A little perspective goes a long way in being a better you! It takes the mind off of circumstances that can make us temporarily happy, into the eternal realm of God ordained gratefulness that gives our lives joy.

Disappoinment... An Appointment with Purpose

2008-11-18T16:13:00.000-08:00

Whenever I find myself with a broken heart, it causes me to take inventory of a few things. 1. What were my real motives for my actions? 2. Had my expectations been voiced? 3. Were those expectations realistic? 4. Was I acting according to my true character and my God given purpose?

We all hate to deal with disappointment. It causes some of us to completely fall off the course and head into spirals of destructive behavior. Some of us lash out and try to take it out on others. No matter how we deal with disappointment, it is going to happen. Some disappointments inconvenience you.. still others cause your very foundations and beliefs to be questioned.

How do you deal with your disappointments? I am introspective in disappointments because I believe the pain I feel should teach me something. Not only about the character of the person who has disappointed me, but also about myself. It is also my sincere belief that disappointment is the fire of the kiln in the potter's house. The outside force that causes our impurities to come to surface, such as impure motives, poor communication, disillusionment and being off purpose. I believe some get a wide road to travel, but I have found that God does not deal with me in that way, that is not the nature of our relationship. HE is quick to show me just when I have traveled too off course, and many times disappointment is the sting that brings me back to the center of the road.

I challenge you to see your disappointments in a new light. Not as a punishment, but more as a divine appointment with the Supreme Life Coach to help you achieve your purpose. See the hurt as a chance to see where you need growth or healing. Let your disappointment teach you about you.

The Bitter With the Sweet

2008-11-11T18:30:00.000-08:00

Since the first of November, I've been calling November 2008, "Sweet November". I was receiving all kinds of beautiful news that made my heart fill with joy for my friends and for the direction of my life. I am not ashamed to say that I am wary of extreme emotions. In fact, that level of excitement about life is something I do with caution, because I am accustomed to disappointment. Whenever too many good things happen at one time, I often look for the hammer to come... the other shoe to drop.

As I grow older, I realize that life has it's ups and downs. I've also learned that no period of down lasts too long and even in times where things are not going according to my plan, I can find things to smile about. I can find a song to sing to bring back the sunshine. So I am learning, even in the midst of "Sweet November" to enjoy my highs with childlike abandon and to learn that sometimes, there is some bitter mixed in with your sweet. Basic lesson huh? I know that on an intellectual level, but I realized that emotional I am consistently unprepared for life's upsets while I'm enjoying my sweet.

Today, I gave myself permission to continue to enjoy my sweet, even though disappointment nearly derailed my happy party. I am fully invested in a life of joy that surpasses temporary set backs. I realize how hesitant I've been to fully invest in joy because of my fear of sorrow. I want a better life than that for me. I am wearied of worrying about what will happen next and when the next disappointment will hit me. I commit to enjoying my sweet.

The Bit Characters

2008-11-03T17:59:00.000-08:00

You know.. how in a movie, you see your hero/heroine and their immediate surroundings? The characters you are introduced to are there purely as plot points and you only see the other characters as they are needed to push the story along. When their part in the movie is over, that's their last scene, and those people go to the SAG office to find a new job. I was pondering this idea because I watch mostly the same movies over and over and I find myself saying (to myself of course) "Oh, that's her/his last scene" The director has the sense to know when that person's part in the story is over.

Do you know when a person's part in your story is over? So often we suffer in relationships because we are trying to keep track of the "bit characters" people who's part in our plot are over. This can show up in the form of unforgiveness... when we hold grudges for past wrongs and don't allow forgiveness or healing to come into our lives. That person has moved on.. remarried.. started a new life or in some cases died, yet we still carry the stain of the hurt they caused into our current lives, blocking the greatness that could be happening now over the pain that happened then.

We need to look at the credits in our lives... take a look at the cast of characters we allow to affect our plot and make some casting changes. Some characters really need to be cut off.

Know when to let go.

Accepting Imperfection

2008-09-01T18:15:00.000-07:00

I once read a quote.. I think it was by Joyce Meyer, that imperfection was impatient with imperfection. It is an irony really. We are aware that no one is perfect, but that does not stop us from becoming incredibly angry, hurt or offended when someone has the audacity to show all their imperfection in our direction. Really.. how dare they! But the truth is, if we learn to be more patient with our own imperfections, it becomes the key to dealing with the imperfections of others.

If you've ever seen someone (yourself included!) rail someone out about their mistake, no matter how trivial, you are seeing someone expressing there inward displeasure with themselves in the way they are treating someone else. It's a sickness really... sometimes we are not cognizant of just how displeased we are with who we are personally. It takes self examination and self awareness to honestly deal with just how unhappy we are with our situations. A fair measurement though is to watch how we treat others. Are we quick to snap on someone who has done something we've deemed improper? Are we very judgmental? Do we not leave room for missteps? It is very possible we have this same judgment of ourselves. It is a real block to achieving peace and creating healthy self esteem.

There is a verse in the bible that says "Judge not, lest ye be judged". And I always believed that meant that other people were going to judge us the same way we judge others. But as I grow, I see yet another meaning. I think the same judgment we measure out to others is a direct reflection of how we judge ourselves. So I looked at that, and began to allow myself some leeway... room to be imperfect, to make mistakes. Instead of harping on my mistakes and holding them against me indefinitely, I am learning to forgive myself. It is as intense a project as learning to forgive others, in fact I think it is harder. The by product though I've noticed is a much more relaxed view of others. I am much more willing to be gracious to others in their imperfection because I first applied that grace to myself. So as we work to become better versions of ourselves, it is important that we give ourselves room to be imperfect.

Fear: Dreamkillers on Speed!

2008-08-09T16:25:00.000-07:00

I commit to loving the person I am right now. The first lines of my commitments page. Although many people write their new year’s resolutions in January, April seems to be a time of refocusing and recommitting for me. The first few days of this fourth month has been eventful. Confrontation seems to be the word of the month, and me being a confrontation phobic (is that a word, probably not) has felt the heat, and been very tempted to get my ass right out the kitchen. But fear is the very monster that swallows dreams. My fears, I can go on forever cause I got a stack full. And for all the bravado and confidence I may appear to have on the outside, I am quite the chicken. What I know for sure is one, confrontation must come in order to facilitate change and two fear is the killer of dreams. I am two for two, fortunately I don’t have an issue with self pity, if I did then all would be lost, but then you are reading this, so there is still hope.

One thing I have learned in my twenty-seven years of walking on earth is that if I have an issue, nine times out of ten, there are a good number of people that have the same issue. So today, I want you to think on your dreams, aspirations, visions etc.. and decide, is fear killing my dreams?

I love to write, I love to perform, I love to speak and I love, love, love, love, LOVE to sing! What keeps me from going after those things full force is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure and brace yourself, fear of success have all been issues that have plagued me along my journey. Right now, as I write this, I am convinced within my heart of hearts that I am on the verge of seeing a great many of my dreams come true, and you want to know the truth, I am afraid! Insecurity snuck in and told me that maybe I am not as talented as I believed myself to be and all the world is going to find out. But I’ve been drinking milk! My confidence bone is getting stronger, and it is beginning to drown out the fear voice, but it took some times to recognize just how fear was manifesting in my life.

I believe that procrastination is a manifestation of fear. Think about it, why is it that you haven’t recorded that last song, performed that poem that you feel will really touch someone, or pushed your recording like you should. You say, I don’t have the money, but my, those new shoes surely look good on you. You say, it’s not the right time, but the next time someone steps to you wrong on your nine to five, you are surely going to go off. Most of us are hiding gifts and talents inside of us, with the promise to ourselves that we’ll get to it, it will always be there, it’s not the right time, etc… Does this sound familiar? If so then ask yourself, what is it that has me in fear?

Perfectionism is another manifestation of fear. Nobody’s going to hear it, read it or see it till it’s perfect. PLEASE! It’ll collect dust and rot before you let it out there. What I’ve found as I have worked towards bettering my craft and skills is that, to be an artist, is to be naked. Just like Adam and Eve on day eight. We are laying our heart and souls on wax or canvas, and allowing all to oppose, ridicule, love or leave. It’s a scary thought, and that can lead us to bury our talent in a backyard along with the dream we just allowed to die.

As I wrote my commitments this April, I also committed to being proactive and actively pursuing my goals and visions. This for me means (big gulp) diligence, discipline and determination. I’ve always found it easy to motivate others to achieve, but now it is time to motivate myself. I could cop out, be the editor, the manager or the developer, but I’d be playing it safe like I did in middle school. Hooking up my friend with the guy I really wanted to date. I am tired of the side lines, and I am ready to see my dreams come to life. Most of all, I refuse to let fear kill my dreams.

Written April, 2005

You, Him and HIs Dream

2008-08-09T16:24:00.000-07:00

How to find the balance when dating the young, fabulous and ambitious

We want him. We know we want him. A man with ambition. It is the reason why many of us dress ourselves in too tight shoes to stand in too packed clubs. We want that mover and shaker, the one who’s making deals and going places. Now before the defenses come out please understand I am not judging, just putting a voice to a truth we all already know.

So we’ve met him. It’s all gravy now, right? Well let’s think about it. Where is he on his journey to his dreams? He knows a lot of people, gets invited to some pretty swank parties and carries that air of confidence that magnetizes a room. But he also works all times of the evening. Where there should be snuggling, he has “blue glow” on his face from the computer screen.

It’s wonderful to meet someone on the verge, but we must realize, many men in their late twenties and early to mid thirties are still establishing themselves in their field, as many of us are. He may not be able to be the doting boyfriend you thought you’d have when you entered this relationship. Shelia’s boyfriend who works for UPS has time to stop by her job everyday and bring her lunch. Your ambitious love however, may be meeting an important client, and may only be able to meet you for dinner. Will this comparison cause him grief in the evening cause you where jealous while Shelia showed off her chicken Caesar salad?

There are two things I’d like you to consider while pondering this relationship with this young, fabulous and ambitious gentleman. Is he someone who works hard, but also makes time for you? Or, is he one who works with no regard to your wants and needs in the relationship? Being young, fabulous and ambitious is not a free pass for someone to disregard your wants and needs, but we must realize while in this partnership we may have to sacrifice a few creature comforts. Sacrifices however should be mutual and not one-sided.

In your commitment, do not forget to take care of yourself. Never lay your happiness in someone else’s hands. Be sure to be on the verge yourself. Don’t be the nagging, waiting girlfriend on the other end of the phone. Don’t be his beck and call girl. We know all to well that girlfriends and wives for that matter are being replaced everyday. Make yourself a priority and be honest about what you are actually getting from the relationship. Then make up your mind if it’s a relationship you want to keep. Know that a selfish, workaholic boyfriend often becomes a selfish, workaholic husband if you let him. He is not going to change. So if your emotional needs aren’t being met, take your glad bags and drop him before you become overly attached to someone who is not slightly attached to you.

A Better You

2008-08-09T16:21:00.000-07:00

Honestly, it should probably be called a better me... but since life lessons are universal, I'll be more than happy to share. You have all kinds of options to improve yourself... I just want to be one of many resources you use!